There has been so much discussion and buzz about this topic that I have to insert a classic teaching from none other than my husband, Apostle Clifford E. Turner...he called it the levels of friendship ....but I think it is more appropriate to say levels of RELATIONSHIP (because some levels of relationship are not friendships)



Life, Business, the Kingdom...all of them function through relationship. There is a saying, "It is not WHAT you know it is WHO you know" because in all of these circles there are many who have personal knowledge, but without the right relationships, they don't move very far. You see relationship can put you where your talent and gifting may have never taken you! (Can you say Latoya Jackson!! ) I am sorry...she was the best example I could think of.....I love you Latoya...

But let's keep it real....outside of some people's relationships...we would never know who they were ....(GAYLE KING)

Now wait, that is not a slight, or a swipe it is just truth....the sad thing is the reverse it also true..many who are super talented have the worse relationship skills, poor character, won't support anyone but themselves, so they turn off the very people who are ordained by God to be the key to their success...Have you ever met people and you think...WOW...they are so gifted...but why have they had so little success??? Well, most of the time you really do find out that often these gifted people have no character....which keeps them from gaining favor from the people God put in their lives to help launch them. Please remember the favor that took years to build up can be lost in one day, if you act a fool, don't understand relationship, and cross the boundaries of relationship.

Also, you need to properly categorize people and don't allow people in your life beyond the level that they qualify for. I can hear some of you right now saying, WHAT? Sister Darlyn....are you for real?? I want to tell you a secret ladies about all the things I share with you. These are life lessons I have learned in my 40 PLUS years, taught to me by the HOLY GHOST, and you know what else...backed up in scripture. I will not teach you or say to you ANYTHING that the principle cannot be found in scripture. of the key things I like to do is mirror God's way of thinking in my life...for example..

God says...after a while of walking with him and serving him (proving yourself, being faithful, etc..)

John 15:15Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.

(PARAPRASHING)...I no longer call you servants, but I call you friends....because a servant does not know what his master is doing.....


John 15:14
Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you

OK so God says...even concerning us...yes I love you all...yes I do...but to become my have to first past the test of can sing 'I AM A FRIEND OF GOD" all you want to...but who are you serving? THEN you become my friend...AND IT IS ONLY MY FRIENDS THAT KNOW WHAT I AM DOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God don't talk to people on the same level of intimacy with those who are just 'associates", "acquaintenes", or church members. So if God has this philosophy, so do I!! And I have zero guilt about it, because it is not that I don't like you, it is not that I have anything against you, it is not that I am jealous of you....YOU HAVE JUST NOT PASSED OR QUALIFIED FOR THAT LEVEL OF INFORMATION IN MY LIFE! As a matter of fact...IF YOU DON'T DO WHAT I ASK OF YOU.....YOU CANNOT BE MY FRIEND!

Do you know you would have a better quality of life and friendship if you demanded friends respect you (not demand in a negative way)...but have expectations for your friends and of course you doing the same...People are not your friends when they cross the boundaries you have set for them! And if you have not set need to..

OK...this is getting too long so I am going to cut it off and give you the levels:

ACQUAINTENCE- People you just know casually, professionally. They may know who you are and or vice versa. You don't talk on the phone, no real relationship...just maybe you met them, or you see them now and then.

ASSOCIATE. People you see more often and more frequently like at work, at church that you have more interaction than just an acquaintence so you know a little bit more about them than just an acquaintance...but the relationship is minimal. You may or may not have their number or have gone to lunc with them, etc....but this is where you are watching people, their habits, their mindsets...etc...

FRIEND This is the stage where based on a person passing the tests of trust, reliability, like mindedness, comradery, felllowship in the associate stage that the level of conversation, interaction, and information move to a more intimate level that would only apply to someone who is a "friend"...i

CLOSE FRIEND....This is where those who because of the MUTUAL exchange in the relationship...note MUTUAL...have shown you that they care about you, go out of their way for you, are there for you...move to an even more intimate level of friendship than just a casual friend. It may be their ability to encourage you, or whatever..but there is a definate distinction between just a "friend".

BEST FRIEND...This is the one who is absolutely the one head and shoulders above all others that you trust fully and completely....They graduated from being your close friend to being your best friend because of their commitment and obvious impact on your relationship to take this top spot as "THE BEST" in listening...the best in being faithful...the best in being there for you...This person will do for you what not even your close friends will do for you...

(NOTE: some of us have had "BEST" friends that were not the best in doing anything for us or the relationship which is why we got hurt because you need to qualify to be "THE BEST".

COVENANT....These are your lifetime friend...period...hopefully your spouse...siblings...those who will be with you up and down, rich or poor...those who value the relationship enough to not allow it to end! Do you know if two people valued the relationship enough they could make it work! But when it is not worth is not worth the effort..

THere you have it....the levels of relationship...each level should progress to another level of trust, faith, love, intimacy, etc......

I GOT TO STOP NOW...hope this helps...

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Replies to This Discussion

OMG! As I read this all I could do is either say HA! or call on Jesus. Sister Darlyn you hit the nail on the head! I thought yesterday my eyes were opened to some things but they're even wider now. I will be getting a copy of the book so that I can grow in this area of my life. Knowing that I have heard this before on many occassions, but this time it has really sunk in more than ever. I just loved this part of your msg, Also, you need to properly categorize people and don't allow people in your life beyond the level that they qualify for. Because many times we don't PROPERLY categorize people in over lives for whatever reason and allow people to come into our lives to fulifill an emotional need that is not God ordained. I really thought I was giving everything to God and in actuality I was holding back on Him.
Wow! Blown away...I've made poor choices in my circle of friends, I understand clearly now.
God is Good Sis Darlyn.

I really am taking all of this to heart ;)

hahahahaaaa I read ALLL of this!!?? On my phone!? WOW It seriously didn't feel like it. WOOOOWW. . . I was wayy into it I wasn't paying attention. . .

ok so Im kinda guilty, I would treat my associates as I would a Friend, giving them freedom and things like that It was something you said to me seriously that just made me sit and think. . . . . You said . . . "keeps it level so that my favor matches their level of commitment". . . . . yeah, I understand what you were saying.

I love you, God is really USING you with this one lol; It's helped me out a lot.

This was Fantastic First Lady.. It makes it plain as to where the people in your life stand and where they should be. I am glad you did this teaching, it is coming at the perfect time. God is wonderful that he answers are prayers before we ask. Relationships take a lot of work. I can't wait for your book! I have just been a doormat in most areas of my life allowing myself to be treated less than I deserve and not having any REAL boundries set for people. I was willing to accept tolerate whatever and not speak up boldliy against things I didn't agree with or things that vexed me just for the sake of having someone there and not wanting to offened anyone( even tho I was being offended). But I am learning in the season to walk alone and that I am okay( I'm kinda use to it anyway). I can let people go or stand up for myself. And actually I am not alone becasue Gods is Always with me.. So thank you again for this one..Praise God..

Though this was a bit over a year ago, I literally caught about TWO major points here and I had to jump cause this was so good lol... Back then, I cant believe I missed THAT!!! Probably because I was so broken up, lol I mean Im not "“THERE”" now but, You said something that Sparked me...

(PARAPRASHING)...I no longer call you servants, but I call you friends....because a servant does not know what his master is doing.....


John 15:14
Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you


"OK so God says...even concerning us...yes I love you all...yes I do...but to become my have to first past the test of can sing 'I AM A FRIEND OF GOD" all you want to...but who are you serving? .......THEN you become my friend..."


Servant FIRST then a FRIEND..... You should have stayed RIGHT there lol :)


I needed this NOW....! lol





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